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June 10 Unquotable QuotesPassed on to us from some of the seniors in DalTech:
Disclaimer - Please Read This booklet contains a collection of Quotes made by Dr. Mo El-Hawary during his lectures on Modern Controls in 2001. Some of them contain great advice, some are rather funny, and some will never be understood by anyone other than Mo himself.
All of Mo's quotes are made in good faith and good fun. If you find some of these quotes offensive, please remember that you do not understand the context in which they were presented. Thank you and enjoy.- Electrical Engineering Society, 2001
"Before solving any problems, you should pray to the Gods of Numerical Errors" "Chances are you had some big fat juicy expressions that you had wrong"
"We need a Mighty Mo problem ... where the hits just keep coming"
"They ask me stupid questions, I give them stupid answers, I collect my paycheck."
"Let Tau = 0.5i.e. the lazy man's way of doing business"
"Poles are like competing ants of different sexes. They want to find zeros"
"Happy ones stay, others go off to New Zealand"
Spivey: "So in reference to my question....."
Mo: "The question is STUPID!" "Since it's 10:10, let's change this to a political class"
"Can I have the next 15 minutes for some sort of coordinated mayhem?"
"So did we kill the class yet? ... ... Good, good"
"Administration rots your mind."
"Dick Dorf [text author] had his head down and was checked into the boards head first"
"Lets try a general problem that I will cork myself out on, quit in disgust and stop teaching."
Wilson: "No ...."
Mo: "NO! YES! What do you mean No? YES! This is a dictatorship" "...forget the word 'Bash' ... If you 'Smash' it,... I do not like violent words 'cause it makes me violent. I haven't bashed a student before."
"Class is over. Why are you so mesmerized?"
"Just in case you were mesmerized and frozen in space, this is a BH curve!"
"This white noise... this humming in the back... that is why people die. As you get older the white noise is amplified and you die""Do you like this book by Perth? Do you know how old he is? 89! Do you know why he's still alive? He's deaf and can't hear the white noise!"
Scott Perry: "What is the root locus?"
Mo: [pause] ... "You appreciate that I'm trying not to tell you to...'RTFB' " "If you keep asking me these questions I'm going to meet my Maker fast!"
"If you are good at Electro-Magnetics Fields you are allowed to have 64 kids."
"I could do this question and after a few drinks and a few puffs, I could come up with an answer ... If I didn't croak."
"Sometimes you need to drink 12 bottles of beer and wake up in a snow-bank."
"Operate in the saturated region and your electronics will die and you'll spend the rest of you're life in jail."
"Get harmonics and miserable things happen to everything, but this is a practical thing and we aren't supposed to teach practical things."
"Give a complex number to a monkey and say 'Man, he looks like a monkey' and ask him to plot it. Then as t --> infinity, the monkey evolves into Mo El-Hawary and he will plot..."
"If your dearly beloved gets mad at you, you don't go get drunk. You just get a transfer function, plug-in 0.01, 0.02 ... and eventually she'll think you're crazy and come back."
"Nyquist discovered that everything he loves in life lies at the (-1, 0 ) point."
" ... someone smart, but he died anyway."
"Even if you open your mouth and plug your nose, you still wouldn't understand it."
"I'll bet you money to donuts."
"I've been doing this nonsense for 38 years."
"Get oscillations in your system and before you know it you'll have nuts coming down from heaven."
"... we could peal it and fry it and call it French fries or we could bake it and mash it and call it mashed potatoes.." [regarding sensitivity equations]
"It's 1:59 and all we've done is raise an old man's blood pressure."
"It's called 'Matta Proffessori' (death of the professor)"
"The negative sign in an OpAmp equation perplexed my generation"
"You take delight in torturing yourselves... you love it! That's why you are engineers!"
"Don't crack your knuckles! Only Arabs crack their knuckles"
"Back in the day it was the 'natural' thing to crack knuckles. People almost died!"
"Every time I try to think I frown."
"Everyone and their dogs were researching rockets."
"Three hour after breakfast you start sliding to the right-hand side of the s-plane and have to grab some food to stabilize yourself."
"It feels really good to sit by the beach and copy equations."
"A horse is just a donkey with feedback."
"Negative feedback is your level of agitation."
"Chapter 5 is about how mentally stable you are"
"You'll get crazy thoughts and talk to yourself and go koo-koo."
"With feedback you can sleep without drinking."
"Mortal humans can't measure outputs."
"All pigs are equal, but in the end the horse gets shot."
"Why can't I just teach them all these things about controls."
"Don't give me that hoodoo" [Johnny Cash lyrics] " You know?...the stuff about the guy who had his wife run away with his goat and all that nonsense."
Mo: "You should get yourself a beach umbrella."
Heckler (Scott Perry): "We are.. next Thursday." Mo: "Are you going to wear a bikini too!?" Heckler: "I already did!" Mo: "Let's have a show! Mo: "I should show you my pictures!" "Don't die when you are 93. Nobody will come to your funeral ... ... Your 120 year old wife would kill you first" "This is the paper world! Not the real world!"
"This is going to drive the old man koo-koo"
"Don't swallow without chewing cause I don't want any dead people in class."
"This big baby is a 300-pound gorilla!" [referring to an assignment problem]
"In my time they would hang you if you ever broke a tryristor."
"Let's Laplace transform this big baby!"
"I was asleep and the cat meowed. That meow is a unit step."
"After 5 time constants the seagull converges on the fish."
"A rowing team facing each other is as stupid as a positive disturbance."
"This problem is going to hurt."
"Parking lot attendant during the tutorial is not a valid part-time job"
"Older people don't want young people to have any fun"
"Doing state variables is like cooking turkey"
"For every turkey there is a Thanksgiving"
"Gamma in greek means 'homosexual'... so don't make fun of peoples' accents."[the letter is pronounced with a 'gra' sound']
"If someone is praying for you, they should pray for your poles to be closer to the origin"
"Old people have larger time-constants."
"Your boss would slap you if you asked to do a no load and short circuit test."
"Everybody is stupid sometimes."
"You minimize mistakes by reducing the number of steps where mistakes are made."
"Stay the course and get the stupid answer. That is the purpose of an engineering education."
"If I'm writing up the exam, I'm being masochistic. If you're writing the exam, I'm being sadistic."
"Oh El-Hawary, you're such a wizard. Now watch the wizard do his wizardly thing."
"The Fourier Transform is just an idiot bouncing up and down."
"If you hear me mumbling in an alien language, I'm just trying to take a derivative."
"When you go unstable, you yell and scream 'till the cops come and shoot you. This happens in Halifax so don't go unstable."
"That was just to distract you from the fact that I have no idea what I'm teaching." Comments (6)
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